You know what sucks?
"Like, you know, like that terrible "valley girl" voice that like, you know, like sounds like nails on a chalkboard."
I hear this all day at the university I attend.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
6. Oversmiling
You ever see someone in a picture, and the smile is just too good to be true? They have the open-mouthed smile and it looks like they are having the wildest time ever.
You look and go "no one is that friggin' happy".
Maybe you read this and go "what the hell is he talking about"?
You look and go "no one is that friggin' happy".
Maybe you read this and go "what the hell is he talking about"?
This is an example. She is obviously delighted, but who really smiles in pictures like this? In this case, shes likely laughing, or LOLing. (haha) However, imagine this pose just for the sake of posting.
I used to have a girlfriend that absolutely hated this quip. "Maybe some people are just really happy" she would groan with her Eeyorish and mannish voice.
No. Sorry. I have been in situations where people are just super excited. This is not natural.
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On the flip side of that, you ever see people that are photogenic as hell on the Internet, but in person they are noting to get excited about?
These people upload fantastic and photogenic pics that people see and go, "wow don't they look great"...
In reality, the one you see was the 36th about of 52 selfies and was the favorite. That is why people hate when they get tagged in photos...no control. You end up getting one where the gut is out, you have a goofy face, or the lighting was bad and you look like a pasty vampire.
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Wednesday, September 11, 2013
5. Random acts of non-refined idiocy
You know what? I don't understand the "sunglass strap". You generally see this with what I call the "country element". Usually it is some redneck with his camo strap on a five-dollar pair of sunglasses.
Maybe if you were wearing $200 pairs of oakleys or something I could possibly relate. Then again, would you really put some dumbass strap on expensive ones either?
---
The other day I was sitting at a stoplight, and heard loud bass thumping behind me. I glanced in the mirror and saw a Crown Vic sitting on 22's rolling up, who would be the first car you'd expect.
Then, I see this jacked up truck roll up with some little fucker sitting inside with a flat brimmed hat and could barely see over the steering wheel. He then looked over at me, with his left hand at 12' o clock on the steering wheel. He was the redneckiest character with the loudest rap music...what the fuck?
Dude was all of 5'6, 115 lbs and certified hard. I'd imagine he has a dip can impression that won't go away in the back pocket of all his jeans. He probably was that rebel who carried around an empty soda bottle in school to spit in. He has numerous shirts with dogs and deer on it. He was that kid that exclaimed that when he has rebel flags all over everything that its "heritage, not hate".
He was "ackin" all hard, I pointed at him and laughed. He sunk in his seat a little.
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Remember those kind of kids in school? I did. Those were the kids that I was like "I can't wait for you to grow up and be a total failure".
Come on...thats funny.
Maybe if you were wearing $200 pairs of oakleys or something I could possibly relate. Then again, would you really put some dumbass strap on expensive ones either?
---
The other day I was sitting at a stoplight, and heard loud bass thumping behind me. I glanced in the mirror and saw a Crown Vic sitting on 22's rolling up, who would be the first car you'd expect.
Then, I see this jacked up truck roll up with some little fucker sitting inside with a flat brimmed hat and could barely see over the steering wheel. He then looked over at me, with his left hand at 12' o clock on the steering wheel. He was the redneckiest character with the loudest rap music...what the fuck?
Dude was all of 5'6, 115 lbs and certified hard. I'd imagine he has a dip can impression that won't go away in the back pocket of all his jeans. He probably was that rebel who carried around an empty soda bottle in school to spit in. He has numerous shirts with dogs and deer on it. He was that kid that exclaimed that when he has rebel flags all over everything that its "heritage, not hate".
He was "ackin" all hard, I pointed at him and laughed. He sunk in his seat a little.
---
Remember those kind of kids in school? I did. Those were the kids that I was like "I can't wait for you to grow up and be a total failure".
Come on...thats funny.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
4. Bumper Stickers
Bumper Stickers, a way to mark your mode of transportation with some shred of unique quirkiness that makes your car stand just a "tit" different than everyone else.
Hell, most of us have some sort of sticker on our ride. People also place them on laptops, bags or anything else that we can think of.
Some are fun, some are catchy and some are just plain tacky. Unfortunately, most of them are overdone. I have a Kansas City Chiefs logo on my back window (it is small). Sports teams, colleges, military affiliation, those things are perfectly fine.
You know what isn't? (In no particular order)
1. "Salt Life". This is the most overdone sticker I have seen in North Carolina. It was blown out two years ago! Usually you see it on some little rednecks' jacked up truck, or on some young girls car. They are everywhere and just terrible.
2. "Family stick figures". Everyone hates these. I have yet to meet anyone who digs them, yet I see those goddamn things everywhere. My favorite of the bunch is when everyone has an assigned gender role...Daddy has a tie and briefcase, mommy has a vacuum, son has a football/basketball, and daughter has pom-poms. I really cannot believe that anyone still buys them.
3. "His combat boots and her flip-flops: a perfect pair!" Gosh, This one is dumb. You usually see it on little cars with chick driving with extra-large sunglasses. I could go on and on, but seriously...do I need to? It is f'n stupid.
4. "Buck and Doe in the shape of a heart". Good God, this one is moronic. Can you actually take any relationship seriously when this is the prop use to describe the love? Stay classy...no wait...this also goes for any random fish, deer, birds, or dog stickers as well.
5. "NObama, you ain't taking my guns, you keep the change...etc". Usually you see these and behind the wheel of this large truck is some bumpkin. Using overblown sayings sure does make these rednecks feel extra creative.
6. (Wilmington NC only) "Eat at Flaming Amys". THESE ARE EVERYWHERE. I bit into the hype, and went with my wife. Let me tell you, it was one of the biggest letdowns of all freakin' time. With a handful of good burrito joints around here, I can't believe that people are so into the joint that they advertise it freely.
Theres many more that I find obnoxious, but I can't think of them at the moment.
Hell, most of us have some sort of sticker on our ride. People also place them on laptops, bags or anything else that we can think of.
Some are fun, some are catchy and some are just plain tacky. Unfortunately, most of them are overdone. I have a Kansas City Chiefs logo on my back window (it is small). Sports teams, colleges, military affiliation, those things are perfectly fine.
You know what isn't? (In no particular order)
1. "Salt Life". This is the most overdone sticker I have seen in North Carolina. It was blown out two years ago! Usually you see it on some little rednecks' jacked up truck, or on some young girls car. They are everywhere and just terrible.
2. "Family stick figures". Everyone hates these. I have yet to meet anyone who digs them, yet I see those goddamn things everywhere. My favorite of the bunch is when everyone has an assigned gender role...Daddy has a tie and briefcase, mommy has a vacuum, son has a football/basketball, and daughter has pom-poms. I really cannot believe that anyone still buys them.
3. "His combat boots and her flip-flops: a perfect pair!" Gosh, This one is dumb. You usually see it on little cars with chick driving with extra-large sunglasses. I could go on and on, but seriously...do I need to? It is f'n stupid.
4. "Buck and Doe in the shape of a heart". Good God, this one is moronic. Can you actually take any relationship seriously when this is the prop use to describe the love? Stay classy...no wait...this also goes for any random fish, deer, birds, or dog stickers as well.
5. "NObama, you ain't taking my guns, you keep the change...etc". Usually you see these and behind the wheel of this large truck is some bumpkin. Using overblown sayings sure does make these rednecks feel extra creative.
6. (Wilmington NC only) "Eat at Flaming Amys". THESE ARE EVERYWHERE. I bit into the hype, and went with my wife. Let me tell you, it was one of the biggest letdowns of all freakin' time. With a handful of good burrito joints around here, I can't believe that people are so into the joint that they advertise it freely.
Theres many more that I find obnoxious, but I can't think of them at the moment.
3. Sonic/overrated fast food
Guess what? Sonic sucks.
That's right people, Sonic sucks. No, not the Hedgehog, the "drive-in" that in my opinion is the most overrated place to eat OF ALL TIME.
People geek the hell out over this place, and I have never gotten it. The food is nasty, a mishmash of gimmicky items thrown together in a whirl of stomach-bothering nastiness.
When I lived in Montana, they didn't have one for the first 4-5 years I lived there. However, all the Airmen that I knew (who all came from other places) always reflected on what they thought was fast food dining perfection. Stories of "secret menus" that involved sexual acts and wacky combinations was one silly thing that seemed to be a recurring theme among the people I knew.
"Yeah back at MY SONIC, I'd order the "special" and some hot chick would come out with my burger and give me a blowie...y'know...cause what chick wouldn't want to?"
Another time, a guy I worked with (from Montana) had never eaten there but had certainly eaten the hype. They had broken ground on a Sonic right there in Great Falls, and he was super excited. He told me that someone had told him that even if you ordered something that was not on the menu or something they didn't have, they had to make it.
I asked him two questions:
1. So if I show up and ask for steak and lobster, or a friggin Big Mac, they have to leave to the grocery store or other place and come back in make it?
2. Do you realize how stupid this sounds?
His defense was that someone who had worked at one in the midwest had told him that. Eventually they opened the place up and you couldn't even go there for a couple months...they had a lane of traffic blocked off for a while to deal with the massive amount of people seeking fast food absurdity.
Another time, a chick in MT tried telling me that she would occasionally just drive to Wyoming to get her Sonic fix. (I don't know that there is one there or not)
Don't get me wrong, Great Falls sure did lack in variety when it came to eating out. It was unfortunate that they had to bring in the most overrated place of all time.
Later, they brought in Little Caesars and people would wait TWO HOURS for that shitty $5 pizza. My ex would flip the hell out when i'd tell her that you can seriously buy a grocery store pizza that tastes better. No way I am going to wait two hours and the only choices I have is cheese or pepperoni. What would I say if I was a New Yorker? FUGGADABOUTIT!
Later, I lived in Utah for a very short time and they brought in "In-n-out" and let me tell you...they hyped the SHIT out of that place. Everyone who had eaten it in California and a handful of places raved and raved. They opened and people were waiting three hours for a burger. Before I moved, I finally gave it a try and let me tell you...they hype was real.
Sonic sucks. Little Caesars sucks.
That's right people, Sonic sucks. No, not the Hedgehog, the "drive-in" that in my opinion is the most overrated place to eat OF ALL TIME.
People geek the hell out over this place, and I have never gotten it. The food is nasty, a mishmash of gimmicky items thrown together in a whirl of stomach-bothering nastiness.
When I lived in Montana, they didn't have one for the first 4-5 years I lived there. However, all the Airmen that I knew (who all came from other places) always reflected on what they thought was fast food dining perfection. Stories of "secret menus" that involved sexual acts and wacky combinations was one silly thing that seemed to be a recurring theme among the people I knew.
"Yeah back at MY SONIC, I'd order the "special" and some hot chick would come out with my burger and give me a blowie...y'know...cause what chick wouldn't want to?"
Another time, a guy I worked with (from Montana) had never eaten there but had certainly eaten the hype. They had broken ground on a Sonic right there in Great Falls, and he was super excited. He told me that someone had told him that even if you ordered something that was not on the menu or something they didn't have, they had to make it.
I asked him two questions:
1. So if I show up and ask for steak and lobster, or a friggin Big Mac, they have to leave to the grocery store or other place and come back in make it?
2. Do you realize how stupid this sounds?
His defense was that someone who had worked at one in the midwest had told him that. Eventually they opened the place up and you couldn't even go there for a couple months...they had a lane of traffic blocked off for a while to deal with the massive amount of people seeking fast food absurdity.
Another time, a chick in MT tried telling me that she would occasionally just drive to Wyoming to get her Sonic fix. (I don't know that there is one there or not)
Don't get me wrong, Great Falls sure did lack in variety when it came to eating out. It was unfortunate that they had to bring in the most overrated place of all time.
Later, they brought in Little Caesars and people would wait TWO HOURS for that shitty $5 pizza. My ex would flip the hell out when i'd tell her that you can seriously buy a grocery store pizza that tastes better. No way I am going to wait two hours and the only choices I have is cheese or pepperoni. What would I say if I was a New Yorker? FUGGADABOUTIT!
Later, I lived in Utah for a very short time and they brought in "In-n-out" and let me tell you...they hyped the SHIT out of that place. Everyone who had eaten it in California and a handful of places raved and raved. They opened and people were waiting three hours for a burger. Before I moved, I finally gave it a try and let me tell you...they hype was real.
Sonic sucks. Little Caesars sucks.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Evidently I completely forgot that I had a blog. We needed to blog for a class, and I stumbled across this. Wow...talk about a failed new year resolution. Just like almost anyone else I would say. Remembering what the blog is for, believe me that I have quite a bit of material to unload. Soon you will see rants about:
1. Terrible bumper stickers
2. Terrible drivers
3. Not holding the door for others/general dickishness
4. Online trashiness (I've touched on Facebook, but the site is a freakin' gold mine)
5. Dumb people
6. "Selfies" (I've done it myself)
7. Sending dirty photos and it biting you
Now, this is the tip of the iceberg. Should you stay tuned? Of course!
1. Terrible bumper stickers
2. Terrible drivers
3. Not holding the door for others/general dickishness
4. Online trashiness (I've touched on Facebook, but the site is a freakin' gold mine)
5. Dumb people
6. "Selfies" (I've done it myself)
7. Sending dirty photos and it biting you
Now, this is the tip of the iceberg. Should you stay tuned? Of course!
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